" I love school - mom will you be there?"

It's Tuesday and it's raining. I am glad. It fits my mood - quiet, grey, and sleepy.
I really love rainy days - a chance to stay in and write, read, drink pots of tea and when the boys come home - a few rounds of video games and some go - fish.

Think I'll make a roast chicken tonight. Then I can make a big vat of chicken soup. Yum.

Tommy started his first full week of school today. He hasn't cried at all and neither have I. I think I am numb, actually. My heart was heavy as I walked back to my car this morning after dropping of the boys and doing a little volunteer work at the school.

I feel out of place, almost like I did when I began college and didn't know where my life was heading. It is very strange to have the house quiet. I can actually hear the click of the keyboard as I write. Usually there is noise of some kind near me at all times. It is weird.

Talked to Tom's endo this weekend and we changed his basal rates on the pump. He was dropping too fast after getting a correction bolus. I think that is what happened on Tom's first day of school last week. Hopefully he will be OK today. I will be very nervous between 2 and 4 pm.

I had a good cry this weekend. My husband and I had a really ' real' talk with him about Tom and my fears. What it comes down to is that I am afraid that he will die. I am afraid that he will have a low and have a seizure and die. That is it. My fear. It felt good to say it out loud and have John accept my fears and feelings. It felt good to cry.

I need to have more trust in the nurses there, but also in Tommy himself. He needs to vocalize when he feels badly and I think he will.

He was excited last night to talk about school. He said he couldn't wait, and then said, "You'll be there, right mom?" I did talk to the class this morning about Tom's pump and what it is and how it gives Tom the medicine he needs. Kindergarteners can be quite curious! That went well and then I talked to the nurse about how Tommy will need to be checked at 2:30 and then go back at 3:30 if he receives more insulin.

I am sleepy. The sound of the rain is soothing. Wish I had a good book to read. Not that I can concentrate right now any way. Maybe I can work on my book today. Hope so. It had been 2 months since an editor said that she wanted to read the whole thing when it was finished.
Can't waste that opportunity.

Going to the lunch room to help out with the kindergarteners. Can't wait to see Tom's smile.